I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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