it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
