It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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