it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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