Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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