Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
