If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
