When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
