why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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