I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
