i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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