High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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