Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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