He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
