Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
