"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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