Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
