I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
