She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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