don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
