i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
