her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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