my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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