I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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