I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
