My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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