do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
