I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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