He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
