I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
