he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
