They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
