so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
