i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
