Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
