Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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