Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
