Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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