Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
