Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
