He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
