You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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