hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
