East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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