OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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