If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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