I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize