You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
