Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
