I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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