I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
