marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
