What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
