here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
