Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
