You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize