it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
