Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
