you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
