So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just had sex on a roof
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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