the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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