Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Randomize
