How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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