Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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