it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
