whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
