I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
