Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
