This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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