why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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