what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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