coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
