It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
