i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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