Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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