i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
