just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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