please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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